Why I Write:

 

As I sit here editing this paper and talking with two of my roommates, I am reminded again that what I write and who I am can be very different. In this paper, I am trying to craft articulate and descriptive sentences that help my reader understand what I am thinking, but in conversing with my roommates, I am trying my best to do whatever I can to crack them up. In between taking the time to pick each word, so my sentences say exactly what I want them to, I am saying the most absurd first thing that comes to my head about whatever we are discussing, and today its working. My roommates love it, and I am appreciative of their laughs because they make feel good about what I am saying, but at the same time, I cannot stop thinking about how different the person is writing the paper compared to the person I am portraying myself to be to my readers. At this moment I am reminded why I write. When I write I can be anyone, it frees me from myself.

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I regularly found myself as a bit of the class clown growing up. This would be surprising if you knew me because I was always pretty shy and reserved, but if I could get a laugh, I always went for it. I don’t really know what it was about it, but the laughs always reaffirmed saying or doing whatever I thought was funny. Jokes and comedy were ways for me to connect with people, and it’s been a crucial characteristic in making me the person I am. The way it comes out now is usually through sarcasm, but in the past, it has come through every form, whether it was physical comedy or my favorite mediums that often intertwine, storytelling and self-deprecating humor.

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While being thought of as funny has been great for me, it is a double-edged sword. Something I have always felt and continued to feel is not always being taken seriously for my intellect amongst my friends. And I completely understand it. If we are having a conversation and one out of every three things I say is an absurdly sarcastic joke, when I try and raise a serious point it will undoubtedly carry less weight. I become the fun guy you want to watch the game with and shoot the shit, but not necessarily the insightful hard worker you want on your group project or in your study group. I get it, and honestly, I am okay with it. Making people laugh is everything for me. Not that I am some sell out who will do anything for a laugh or jokes are the only way I know how to communicate, but I have found that I can easily bring some aspect of comedy to almost every situation in my life. Through this, I have been able to brighten not only my life but also the lives of those around me. But it can get annoying sometimes when I feel like I am making an excellent point and it is not being taken seriously. When I try and make a sincere point, people often think I’m still being sarcastic or trying to joke about something. Luckily for me, I have writing.

 

This is why I write. When I write, I don’t feel constricted by my personality or others feelings about me. When writing, I write as though all the reader knows about me is what I tell them. When I write, I get to create my argument completely and guide my reader to my conclusions. While I attempt to do this in person, present a complete and complex argument to a friend, it is usually directly following a series of sarcastic comments or at some point when I am presenting an argument I inevitably include something humorous, usually when I worry I may be losing my audience. Both of these factors detract from whatever point I may be making.  When I write, I feel like I get to convince my reader that I am right, and I have often found that to be much easier in writing than in real life. Writing gives me a sense of validity and authority that I don’t always get when talking about something serious, or trying to prove a complex idea.

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Something I have always found interesting is how little writing and comedy mix for me. While I have often had teachers say it is okay to make a paper funny, I never find myself taking them up on their offer. Writing for me is, and has always been very serious. I don’t think I am scared that including a joke or two may hamper the validity of my argument; I just don’t think my type of humor translates well to print. Besides the few stories I have spent years perfecting, enhancing them so they have perfect punch lines and comedic timing so I can use them at a moments notice, most of what I say to be funny comes to me in the moment and would not transfer well to a paper.

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One of my goals for the minor is to keep defining and developing my voice as a writer. Writing gives me a unique chance to present my thoughts and ideas that I just usually do not get in my everyday life. That is why I need to continue to improve this voice, so I will always have this outlet to present my ideas and feel like my reader receives them. But if the goal is to develop my voice, I need to prove to myself that these two worlds are not mutually exclusive. I want to be able to bring comedic elements, some fundamental to my sense of self, into my writing in some capacity. I need to stop being scared that one joke or two will take away from the substance of what I am saying.  If I do not do this, the voice I talk about hoping to continue to develop will never truly be my own. I think right now I am seeing this in black and white, but I need to embrace previously uncharted waters that balance my substance and swagger if I want my writing to truly represent me.

 

So that is why I write, because it lets me to speak in a voice that is not my own. It frees me from the burden of being a hilarious motherfucker and allows me to truly, and freely express my ideas and myself.